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Note: The reader may read this and think: “Wow, that DP sure has poor judgment. All those hallucinogens and mar-eh-jawana have really gone to his head this time.” To which I would respond: “Poppycock! Not only is the author of the following cover letter actually submitted as part of a job application for a position he very much wants a picture of sobriety and hearty, wholesome living, he is also a man who needs neither prompting nor justification for exercising his creative muscles in the service of his furtherance of The Balls-Out Lifestyle™ (h/t to its founder and chief executor, Dayn Perry). As such, take note of the following and reflect on what would fuel such an outpouring of heartfelt determination.

It is 1:07 PM, Eastern Daylight Time in New York City, and David Perez is imagining things. He is lost in wholesome fantasies about unexplored possibilities and new adventures, occasionally switching windows to play Brickle. He is ten years old and wearing loud colors because it is the mid-1990s and there is not much choice in the matter.

It is now 2:39 PM in the same city and at the same time of year. The screen is filled with the filled boxes of a spreadsheet, and there is an MS Word document running with Gill Sans because it has a degree of character for a sans serif font. The shirt is lime green, by choice this time, and there are no games going on here. It is seventeen years later, but there are still possibilities to explore and avenues to pursue that experience has refined into thorough research and detailed plans with lots of bullet points. He still pines for the occasional Brickle marathon.


Two years have passed since he received an unsolicited email asking him to apply for a position at SprocketCorp. Most such emails ended up read and dismissed, but as he read about their products and perused their websites, a hunch came over him: Apply. Let’s see what happens. As it happens, nothing came of it. He left Paris, where he was attending graduate school and studying something he wasn’t enjoying, and returned to New York to pursue his love of writing. He applied again, and was informed by a polite form letter that he was not an ideal fit for the position but to try again at another point. So be it. He shrugged it off, wrote whenever he could, and found a temp job entering data and organizing things for the Girl Scouts that turned into a long-term project. He tried to see what the next adventure could be, and it was not easy. SprocketCorp? Why not? It’s been a while.

A question begs asking, however: why SprocketCorp? For that matter: why David, and why ‘Verbiage Artiste’? For a start, the prospect of a business card and salary for working as a ‘Verbiage Artiste’ appeals to his sensibilities as a child of the arts who was raised to be practical in a romantic world. The idea of a life in a city as defiantly creative as [INSERT CITY NAME HERE] has its appeal, and the opportunity to gain experience with a company as well positioned as SprocketCorp interests the calculating political science geek within. Most importantly, however, is the fact that his talents and diversity of experiences are ideal for what SprocketCorp seeks in someone trusted with crafting its prose. It may not have been an ideal fit when he first applied, or even when he applied again. There’s a clear reason why he’s pursuing the opening this time, however: it makes too much to give up on it now. He can write with precision and flair, and that is a rare skill that SprocketCorp can utilize to great benefit. There are mutually beneficial arrangements, and there are matches. Companies and individuals constantly enter into the former, but the latter is actually quite rare. This is a match, and its rarity and potential is not to be ignored.

The hour approaches noon, and there is homemade curry waiting. David, while hungry, is still preoccupied with the dream of something better.

/drops mic, stomps mic into stage, breaks stage, stage collapses into the Earth’s mantle, the world ASSPLODES